Life is a series of challenges that you sometimes succeed by overcoming them and sometimes learn by failing. Most people adapt to life’s challenges and understanding that these challenges help them grow even when they “fail” (if you believe there is such a state). But if you believe you’re a victim of life’s circumstances, you will find yourself being the victim even when you could have triumphed.
Feeling like a victim often starts early in life and may be triggered by trauma. As a child, some situations may be forced on you that are unfair, difficult, or harmful. As an adult, a series of losses, that haven’t been fully processed, can lead to feeling like you have little control of your life.
Lack of control, or having an external locus of control, is a hallmark of feeling like a victim. Victims believe they are powerless to change, improve, or overcome life’s obstacles. Things happen to them, not for them, and they are often waiting for things or circumstances outside of themselves to change so that they or their lives will change.
Victims feel helpless. They often feel trapped by circumstances and believe they aren’t capable of overcoming their situation. These feelings can cause a person to give up on themselves, their dreams and goals, and their lives.
Psychologists agree that believing you are a victim creates a cycle where your beliefs make you a victim over and over again throughout life. You inadvertently set up situations where there is a persecutor and maybe even a saviour, but you are always in the role of the victim.
According to Psychology Today, a leading group of psychologists and researchers, suggest that the beliefs a person directly impacts how they cope with life challenges. These specialists have identified certain beliefs that lead to victim behaviour.
Why try? I never win. OR I never catch a break.
Trust no one. OR Everyone is against me.
I can’t.
Everyone else is better than me.
It’s because of [fill in the blank] that my life is terrible.
Why try? I never win. OR I never catch a break.
Everyone loses sometimes. Even a sports team with a perfect season rarely has more than one perfect season in a row. In life, just like sports, you can lose sometimes and still win the overall prize in the end. But if you let your losses overshadow your accomplishments, you can start to believe that your wins aren’t real or substantial. When you see life as always loosing, it’s not worth trying for anything, and what you lose is the opportunity to win.
Trust no one. OR Everyone is against me.
Victims don’t trust anyone. They believe that everyone else is against them and out to harm them. Even innocent slights by others are perceived as intentional hurt. While not everyone in life is willing to accept and help you, most people don’t spend all their time trying to hurt others. Believing that you can’t trust anyone means that you will miss out on confiding and accepting help from people that could and would support you. Without support, you remain a victim.
I can’t.
Feeling powerless robs you of control. If you believe that you don’t have control, you may start to feel like you are a victim of life. “I can’t” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your lack of commitment to change, your refusal to learn and grow, and your inability to accept your mistakes as part of the path to success, all make it impossible for you to do something positive in your life. It’s not that you can’t; it’s that you believe you can’t, so you don’t.
Everyone else is better than me.
The powerless of believing you’re a victim elevates others above you. When you give other people more control and power than you, you always remain a victim. Believing everyone else is smarter, stronger, and more accomplished than you keep you from trying to improve and traps you as a victim. Until you believe in yourself, you will always be a victim.
It’s because of [fill in the blank] that my life is terrible.
Playing the blame game may remove the responsibility of your life’s circumstances from you but it also removes your ability to make choices and thereby your ability to act and instigate change. It may not be your fault that particular experiences have been thrust upon your life, but you are responsible for how you respond to those experiences, how you process and frame those experiences and ultimately what meaning you attribute to them.
Life can be hard at times and that is probably an understatement. But IT IS possible to struggle along the way, learn in the process and still elevate your life. But if you believe you are a victim of life, you always will be. Letting others have power over you and giving up your control keeps you from the opportunities life offers to grow, be{come}, and achieve.
Until next time, many blessings and much peace!